23

i try my best to keep this blog about things that are interesting - music, baseball, tv, comedy..whatever, and not make it to be like a livejournal. today im going to break the rules. 23. 2 years after 21. 17 to 40. 13 from 10. it feels weird. to be honest, i got home from the gym around 10:30 last night and have felt like shit since. maybe because when i was younger, i was a very happy, obsessive compulsive child. i would count down months until my birthday. the day would come and i would pick out something special to wear. i thrived for the all day attention fest, from everyone on my school bus to my class. getting the best spot on the line, being the captain at recess, whatever. my mother and i would bake something and if i had party i loved making goodie bags. my younger sister jade wouldnt pay much attention and would put two lollipops in a bag when she was only suppose to put one, and i would flip out. but i was happy. i loved every second of it. that part of my life is completely over.

this morning i woke up, showered, and headed into work. nobody on the bus to the city had a clue. same for the office. a handful of friends know, and i recieved a couple text messages. several from people i havent talked to in over 6 months, saying they hope im good or know we dont talk or whatever. the fact is that birthdays make me feel so uneasy. i hate them. i hate the attention, i hate someone singing me a song and writing to me saying that they care about me when i havent spoke to them in 6 months. i hate presents. i hate having to fake liking a present. i really hope this day goes very fast. wow, i just reread the paragraph i just wrote and im acting like a real whiney bitch. but i dont care, im gonna go with it. i hope this day goes fast. and its terrible to wish days away, but its the truth.